Enter Cheneyus, Scooterus and sundry hangers-on
Cheneyus: We are defeated? Yet hold up your heads!
McCainus won? It is not as I saids?
Grammarian: Saids? Said, you toad! The Bushie speaking tic
Becomes an all consuming pandemic.
Scooterus: Defeat’s foul filth, zounds, soils us to a man.
Alarums, excursions. Enter sponsor 2
Sponsor 2: Confined abed? Futuro’s the bedpan
To keep thee clean, noiseless, full-size, lightweight,
With edges smooth, contoured, a true bed-mate.
Exit sponsor 2
Scooterus: Where go we now? What does the future hold?
Cheneyus: Where go we now? If I may be so bold,
We’re not defeated, it is just the media
(Which by the way each day gets mighty seedier)
That concentrates alone on neg’tive news
In order to gainsay our halcyon views.
They say the troops are dying? We have won!
The WMDs do want? Here’s one!
Insurgents rule the day? We are supreme!
There’s nought can ruin my idyllic dream.
Alarums, excursions, sennet. Enter Caesar
Ruckus, screams, shouts. Exit Caesar, limping
Scooterus: Dream on, sweet prince, if thou dost vict’ry see
I fear that thou art barking up wrong tree.
Cheneyus: Beyond the media look, I do thee bid;
Our victory beneath bad news is hid.
Alarums, excursions. Enter sponsor 1
Sponsor 1: Did I hear bid? ‘Tis no-bid that’s the fun,
At Halliburton, start before the gun!
Exit sponsor 1
Scooterus: Dream on! Or is it wing on? Either way
The facts gainsay all that which thou dost say.
Cheneyus: It’s not as feared, I swear it by my beard.
Scooterus: You have no beard. It is just as I feared.
Alarums, excursions. Enter sponsor 2
Spnosor 2: Hirsute is not your suit? Unwanted hair?
For legs, bikini areas, use Nair!
Exit sponsor 2
Cheneyus: This was, and is, and will be a slam dunk!
So stop your whining now, and quit your funk!
Scooterus: I fear you misinterpret all the signs.
Cheneyus: Thou art balled-up. Now read between the lines!
We won, we win and will win ev’ry fight.
We’re hot as some whorehouse on nickel night.
Scooterus: Thou speakest brogue and twang and slang and slanger
Will S.: Thus do we near the end of our cliffhanger
Exeunt omnes, jitterbugging
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